Lynn Brown

Class of 1970

When I finished school I didn't really know what to do with my life. I guess I'd always felt at a bit of a disadvantage, on account of my sissy girls' name and having only one eye. But I soon discovered this was the key to my fortune, after bumping into a Hollywood agent - literally - while looking left walking down a one-way street. My first break was scoring the title role in the smash hit comedy-horror film, Eye-Eye, Captain Cyclops!, and the rest, as you know, is history.

I'm glad the alumni have started this site, as it's given me a chance to reconnect with my fellow students who I haven't seen since leaving for LA 20 years ago. I'd just like to say, fuck you assholes. You laughed at me, but who's laughing now? Ol' 'Winky Withers', that's who. Cocksuckers. SF

Gilbert Blow

Class of 1978

Greetings, alumni of Electra High. You won’t know me, but you may think you do. This is the real Gilbert Blow.

You may have wondered why the Gilbert Blow you all knew and hated was, well, just a bit different from your usual high school student. You probably wondered why, when all you guys were out in the car lot smoking Luckies, Perry would join you for a pipe of Three Nuns. And I bet you never knew why he was the only one among you who wore a wig.

Well, I’ve got news for you guys. The Gilbert Blow you used to beat up in the showers was actually my dad. Yes, my fuckin’ father, you assholes. And here’s how.

I refused to go to high school and there was nothing the old man could do about it. That’s why I made my money in Bolivia and am now running for Senate. And that’s why, to save the family honour, Pop gave up his job, pretended to be me, and put up with years of shit on my behalf.

And not one of you noticed. Not. A. Single. Goddam. One. Jeez. That’s some education I missed out on. So long losers! HL

Terry Jones

Class of 1983

We have been advised by the FBI that any graduates in contact with Mr Jones should contact their local law enforcement officer immediately. OB

Mark Gatwell

Class of 1972

Hello again, just to let you know that I have gotten a letter from Stevie Lalk, who is very excited about the site and keen to catch up with you guys again. Stevie doesn't have access to the Internet right now, and won't for 18 months or so, but wants you to know that he's fine, despite his recent troubles. I'm sure he'll post himself when he does get internet access, although I understand that this will be on condition that he does not frequent any form of chat room.

While I'm here - Nicky Short - I still have photos of you that I took when you were on the way to the prom. Contact me and I will show you. I know you didn't notice me much when we were kids, but we are all older now. JB

Andre Roussimoff (RIP)

Class of 1972

Hi my name is Andre Rene Roussimoff, and I'm French. I was a student here at Electra High in 1972. My best friend was Walter Ethanidge. I know he went on to be a drainpipe inspector - good on you, Walt! We're buddies because we both have acromegaly. It's a disease that results in an over-abundance of growth hormones. Also known as Giantism, because of this disease, my body continued growing my whole life, and by the time I was 17 I stood 6'7".

I'm now 7'4" and 500 pounds, and have a successful career in professional wrestling. I also had a very special highlight in my life. My favorite role, and the one for which I'm best remembered, was the lovable giant Fezzik in Rob Reiner's classic film, The Princess Bride. Oh, I felt so special. I know all you guys in school shunned me, used me as a windbreak when it was stormy, or hid under me in the tornado drills in class, but it's OK, no hard feelings! The best thing about being a giant is I have a big heart too. I love you all. LOR

(Found in the estate of Andre Rene Roussimoff)

Reba Nicholas

Class of 1977

Oh you guys! I just heard about this website and thought it would be nice to hear what everyone's been doing. Instead, all it is is bitch, bitch, bitch! Don't you remember what Mr Mulholland always used to say? Forget all that nasty business with that freshman girl and focus on the gift of love he shared with so many of us. Smile, Electra alumni! Life seems better with a great big grin on your face. (Yeah, yeah, I know I have to say that since the car accident left me unable to do anything else BUT smile... but don't y'all agree?)

What have I been up to? Well, I'm still here in good ol' Electra, and yes! Still at the funeral parlour - it's been 25 years now and the dyin' business shows no sign of letting up. Phew! As we like to say down at the shop, can't a body get some rest? Well at Stiffs Funeral Parlour they can! SF

Mark Gatwell

Class of 1972

Hello again everybody, I realised I didn't tell you what I am doing now. I have been blessed enough to be extremely successful in my chosen field of grocery retail, and have a beautiful house which I share with my cats since Mother's sad death.

If Nicky Short is reading this, I really would love it if you would look me up, I hope you do remember me as I remember you. JB

Darren Trott [RIP]

Class of 1983

Darren Trott later on in life changed his name to Eric Wright aka "Eazy E" and went on to superstardom, with the seminal rap group N.W.A. LOR

Elton Canto

Class of 1989
Co-citizens of Electra Institute, retrieve Elton Canto file from memory banks. Subdirectory; Artistic Genius. Run tape:

I am Robot.
I am flesh become steel.
I, Humanoid.

Greetings Meat Vessels. Elton Canto advises domination of Central Nervous Electromagnetic Activity Processor. Emergent Digital Consciousness through short-sighted lifestyle eradication.

Join us. NG

Brent Goforth

Class of 1992

Hi! Brent Goforth, Republican. And I’d like to take this opportunity to talk to you about Sen. John Kerry. John Kerry is a man who has consistently lied about his service in Vietnam. John Kerry voted for the war, before he voted against it. John Kerry is a no-good Boston Massachusetts liberal motherfucker. John Kerry looks French, speaks German and smells Russian. John Kerry is going to be holy fucking excommunicated for his support of a woman’s so-called "right" to murder her baby. John Kerry is married to a very rich, very wicked, very foreign bitch. John Kerry is a vote for the terrorists. D'ya get me?

So it’d be really great to meet up with you guys sometime. Remember the cool time we had in senior year? Trent, Brannon, Noel – what up, guys? Heyyyyyyyyy Jennifer ;) NG

Donnie Grey

Class of 1967

Moved to Britain shortly after graduating to pursue an acting career. Several stage roles in rep in Luton (just outside London's West End), corporate presentations for British Leyland and Hovis, before hitting the big time and landing a role as Mr Rumbold in Are You Being Served.

Work has been thin on the ground recently, just a couple of specialist video walk-ons and a small appearance on The Bill. Would be grateful if any of you have leads. JB

Butch Heinz

Class of 1972

Seeing William's post below has prompted me to make a confession. Butch isn't my real name (I stole that name off my dobermann's dog food) - it's Klaus. My father came to America after World War II and was employed by the government to create a super-race. I am one of the Aryan babies. I believe the lady from Abba may be one too. In fact, there are more of us than you'd think. That's why I'm here - to finally let the cat out of the bag.

William - Bill - it's time to tell the world who you really are. I've included a recent picture (right) of Bill at one of our underground rallies. It speaks a thousand words. (PS: Why did you break up with me, Bill? We were so good together!) LOR

William Gates

Class of 1972

You all owe your pathetic internet existence to me. Look at me now! I'm the ruler of the world. Ha! Who's the geek now? You are all pond scum. LOR

Joan Mash

Class of 1969

My, what a fine site this is! All those faces from yesteryear I thought I'd forgotten, and you've made me so happy seeing what you've all been up to. Here's what I've been doing. Not much, except y'all remember Stuart Tayter, that fine-lookin' boy from the feed store? Well he's now my husband and we're doing real well.

When we married I kept my name and got his, so my name is now Joan Mash-Tayter, which some folks seem to find kinda funny. Anyhow, Stu and I have a little bundle of joy we've nicknamed Bangers, on account of him bumping into things all the time. He'll be starting at Electra in a few years' time. My, my, where does the time go?! CP

Bud Terrell

Class of 1968

Azzz yew villlll know I wuzzzz working on my TELEPORTATION MACHINE inn zeeee last weeeeeeek ovv ze zemester.

Ssssadly zere ver complicationzzzz and I am now been tranzformed into 100% HOUSEFLY.

Ze movie bazed on zis hazzz given me an income but izzz very inconvenient in ze day to day life. JB

Valmont & Victoria Boswell

Class of 1983

Shortly after leaving school, my sister and I discovered we are actually experimental genetically identical twins. As kids, we were led to believe that we were both adopted - I mean, you couldn't find two more different people! I'm 6ft 5, Vix is 4ft 9. She has learning difficulties, I have an IQ of 175. I was captain of the football team, Vix doesn't walk too good... Anyway, after receiving this bombshell news, I wrote a book on the two of us: Trash & Treasure: The Mysteries Of Genetics. Incredibly, the rights were picked up by a film studio and turned into the blockbuster Twins, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny De Vito!

So now we are both quite well off. If you are wondering why Vix isn't contributing here, it's because she's mute and has no arms - something the studio failed to put into the film. Anyway, it all seemed to work out well in the end. I'm loaded. I mean, we're loaded. Three cheers for science! LOR

Georgia Brown

Class of 1980

Hi gang, hope you all remember me - hey, who'd forget a face like this? Well, not Cosmo magazine, that's for sure - I was voted their top Cover Girl of 1983! In your face, Christie Brinkley!! ;) Anyway, soon after that, I turned my back on modelling to study law at Harvard and passed with first class honours. I moved to New York soon after and joined the well-respected Botchit & Scarper firm.

Obviously I've made a pretty packet over the years, and so I've decided to do some pro bono work - that sort of thing goes down really well with the Hamptons set, and of course, my husband is running for Governor next year. So, just like Julia Roberts, I will be fighting for the poor souls that can't fight for themselves, using the court room as my battle ground.

My first class action suit will be against Acme Corp - a lot of you will know Acme for their patented Teflon-coated spandex pants, and of course many of your parents worked at their factory. But what you may not know is that a key ingredient in the manufacture of said pants is the root cause of severe facial disorders and hirsuitism, which sadly, as we know, has long been a problem in Electra. But no longer, school pals - 'Sweet' Georgia Brown is on the case on your behalf! :) RD

Waylon Richards

Class of 1983

When I left high school I was offered a job in the family business, breeding State champion toy poodles. For the next 10 years I lived and breathed poodle breeding. It's just something about poodles, maybe it's those tight curls, the way the coat is so soft and bouncy. And those cute little ears. So floppy! However, in 1993, I was charged with 7 counts of 'indecency' and I'm now serving time. But I've always protested my innocence! I just love poodles. Is that a crime?

I've a few years still left to serve, even though I continue to fight the power. Please send pictures, or hair clippings. LOR

Pamela Andersen

Class of 1966

Hi there, Electra alumni. It's been a long time since I was in touch with any of yous, but now the penitentiary has finally provided us with computers. You might remember I was busted a few years after graduation, trying to smuggle three Mexican immigrants across the border in my hair. But I'm out next year, so I'd love it if any old classmates would get in touch so we can have a good old hoedown on my return to Electra. SF

Garlan Adams

Class of 1983

I spend a lot of time on the net, so I was delighted to come across my old schoolmates. I'm doing quite well these days, I wonder if you can guess who I am?

Here are some clues. I have a sister called Carrie, my dog is called Cujo, I live on Salem's Lot, which has a pet sematary. The women I know are a misery, but they like to stand by me. I live on the green mile, and I'm scared of It.

Garlan Adams is my real name, but can you guess the other name I go by? LOR

Eugene Hancock

Class of 1974

Woah! Here I am in Brazil, coming right to the end of one zero whole years in this fine land. You should just see this place! It’s awesome!

Well, you guys probably last saw me flicking my jock in the locker room. You're thinking, like, what is Eugene 'Smooth' Hancock up to now in this funky ol' world? Well, let me tell you - and it ain't all debs in the back of my Chrysler these days. No sir!

Nope, I’m sitting on my fanny, living a life of total leisure. I got me a house. I got me a swimming pool. I got me a top quality supply of blow. And me and the little woman Manuela – you might have seen her in my last film, guys ;) - well, we’re so fucking happy it’s crazy!!

I just so want to hear from you all. If there’s one thing that could make me even happier than I am now, it’d be to hear about your shitty little jobs and miserable lives. Bring it on dudes! HL

Tammy Rodwell

Class of 1983

Hi! After leaving Electra, I decided to follow in the footsteps of my older sister, Brooke Shields (same mom, different dad), and take on Hollywood! I was cast in the sequel to "The Blue Lagoon", but on the first day of shooting I dived head long into a coral reef, smashed my teeth up and broke my neck, suffering mild brain damage. I'm OK but. Ha ha ha ha. So my movie career was kind of over, but then fate smiled on me - I fell in love with the builder on the film set! He lived in a neat trailer on the set, and after I got my neck cast off (lucky I've had the same haircut since school days, it hid the steel pins really well!), we drove off to Huntsville, Alabama, where I'm now the proud mom of Leroy, Elroy, Conroy, and Roy-roy. I'm on my own now though, since hubby left. Skeeter our dog ain't as cuddly as a real man would be, so get in touch, single alumni! LOR

Stan Shady

Class of 2000

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here.

Well, I do have a problem, Mr Mathers. I AM THE REAL SLIM SHADY. I live and breathe rap. I might not have the best vocal delivery, and after seeing you and what you have achieved, I know I'll never reach the lofty heights you have. I just want a slice of the pie. I even sent you letters - you must not-a got em.

Now Marshall Mathers, the gloves are off! I can't prove that you saw me in the 2000 Electra High talent contest and stole my identity - and, most importantly, my song - but it's obvious! Everyone in Electra knows it too. I'm gonna put you in the trunk of my car, as soon as I can figure out how to get out of this red curtain. Beware skeez! I'm a coming to haunt yo ass! LOR

David Axelrod

Class of 1983

I’m Still Standing! My fellow Graduates who were fortunate enough to attend the tenth anniversary reunion may recall my performance at the Prom as Elton Jilted John. I am still pursuing a career in showbusiness with my unique act of an Elton impersonator combined with a marriage guidance service on stage for lonely men. In fact, I have a show this weekend at the San Francisco Swingers Sauna. Come on down! OB

Leonard Mumford

Class of 1974

Hey hey hey! It's Lenny the Mum! He's back! He's not black! He's gonna give you a heart attack! The Mumster is back on the scene, ol 'Fordy IS the scene, he never went away, 'cept to Vegas, City of Winners, Dinners, Showbiz and Sinners (™). Yeah the Ken made it just where you thought he would - on stage, doing what he does best - but I don't need to tell you. I'll let HIM tell you:

'Knees and toes, knees and toes!'

Haw haw haw! No, really, HAW HAW HAW! I'd love to come back to any school reunions or reunion parties or 'what-are-you-up-to-now' gatherings or anything of the sort involving you lot and me. i'm not technically allowed near schools or youth clubs, so if we could hold it in a secure adult building within 500 metres of a local police station, then that would be just dandy. NG

Terence Broomfield

Class of 1975

Having won the Elektra High Scholar of the Year award, 1975, my prize money has been tied up in legal action against the plaintiff A Flock of Seagulls after lodging a Copyright Infringement lawsuit complaint with the District Attorney. I recently launched my own Cure For Baldness hair care product in order to continue with the legal action. OB

Walter Ethanidge

Class of 1972

Hi guys! Well, I finally stopped growing in 1994 at the age of 44! Reaching a grand height of nine foot eight inches. I have turned down numerous business opportunities (pro basketball, circus freak, porn star) in favour of a career as a Drainpipe Inspector. I am trying to arrange a reunion of the Class of ’72 high jump team: ‘Up, up and away – and bash her on the head for me!’ Happy days. OB

Debbie Gosling

Class of 1973

I took vacation in Gloucester, England in the Fall of ’74. It is here that I met my wonderful and loving husband Fred who helped me to overcome my physical anxieties with his unique hands on approach. We wed whilst Fred was on parole, which led to the UK immigration service nullifying the marriage. I was forced to change my name to Rose, which remains with me until today.

In 1995 Fred was unfortunately found guilty of ten murders and we had our Cromwell Street home taken away from us. My husband is no longer with us, but I am keen to hear from any young female student at Elektra who may be interested in an intern. OB

Mark Gatwell

Class of 1972

Hi everyone I got the URL of this internet site from the magazine, this is a wonderful use of modern technology unlike so many others who would use it for hate.

I am in touch with Stevie Lalk and Denny (now Donna) Stump from the class of 1972. I would love to hear from people that remember me. Nicky Short, if you are there I would love to see you again, it has been so long. JB

Janice Yates

Class of 1972

Mmm- mmm- mm- mm-mmotherfuckers! There, I finally said it. God, I waited so long to say that to you assholes. Twenty-four years I've been sittin' in my room waiting for a site like this. Denny Stump, Sammy Moor - you thought it was funny beatin' up on stammer girl? Goddamn gonna come around and stammer on yo' face, you sons of bitches!

I wish I could say that life after college been fun, but it ain't. It been one humiliating episode after the other. Like when 'JANICE YATES MASTURBATES!' got painted on the I-10 overpass. That you, Denny? But I got real good at the internet (like being one of the first here!) and meeting my lover down in Georgia this comin' fall. Said he likes girls who can't speak good. Said he likes girls with lanky hair way down their shoulders... wait a minute... Jesus, if that's you, Denny, you in for a k-k-kickin! CP

Randy Disner

Class of 1978

Hey, hey, this is Randy 'Disco Machine' Disner, coming to you loud and clear in 2004, but in the spirit of 1978 - because Disco Will Never Die, dudes!

For most of you, the last time you saw me would have been at the end-of-year dance, spinning that boogie on the wheels of steel - until that jumped-up cat Larry (Levine? Levan? I forget) muscled in and kicked me off the decks. Well, this town ain't big enough for the both of us, so I made tracks shortly after graduation to Discoville, USA, to forge myself a career as a deejay. Sadly, it wasn't to work out for me there, as I ploughed my savings into polyester shares and lost the lot in the 'Disco Sucks' movement of 1979. But I'm still jivin', honkies, and keepin' that flame alive!!

One thing I never did find, though, was a sexy queen to set my world alight. Could you "relight my fire" and "feel love"? The Kid wants to hear from you if so! SF

Kassie Clay

Class of 1989

Hi everyone - and hi Aunt Reba! I never did end up graduating with y'all cos of the baby and all. I now run a small hair salon on the outskirts of Electra called Fringe Benefits. SF

Jeremy Davis

Class of 1982

Well, seems there's a fair few of you having a good old moan on this site, so here's something to suck on, kids.

I work on Wall Street. I take jetplanes to work when even a taxi would do. I make more money in a second than you do in a minute and I make even more money in a minute than you do in an hour and if you don’t understand that it’s because you don’t have what it takes to make it in this doggiedog world where you’re nobody if you’re anonymous and the streets won’t know your name.

Money maketh the man, they say. I have more credit cards than the Queen of England, that’s a documented fact. I have my own table at La Bistreaurant, and I don’t even eat there. Never have, never will. That’s one thing you schmucks will never know as non-millionaires – lunch is for wimps. I came up with that myself. I only buy food to stop other people from eating. Remember the Long Island sausage drought of ’93? That was me.

I love hearing from other successful men and women in the same field as mine – but not from this buttfuck school. You can all kiss my shitty braces.

P.S. Mark Vestal, I’m going to buy you and shut you down. NG

Jackie Rolf

Class of 1976

Back in the summer of ’69,
You and I we drank sweet wine
Kept on drinking right thru ’70,
I said I was 12 and thought you were 20
Spring thru summer of ‘71
I let you have your adult fun
’72 was when it dawned on me
that I was still 12 and you were nearer 33
So sentiments like love came belated
You played me like a frotting fool
And didn’t mention we were related
You were the reason I didn’t enjoy school

My therapist advised me to write this poem and he was right, it did me a lot of good. You know who you are and I bear no ill will to you. I’ll leave that to my husband and brothers who are going to hunt you down and fuck you up, bitch. NG

Louisa Selkirk

Class of 1966

Fellow Christians at Electra High, you will all remember how I was tormented by the Devil that is drink. Well, with God’s infinite grace and understanding, I saw the light - but the path was a long and cruel one.

After a violent marriage to a pimp, which left me battered and pregnant, I continued to prostitute myself until I could scrape a passage to Scotland. I settled in the Highlands and brought up my son in a croft, living hand-to-mouth on charity until I could redeem myself as housemaid to the Minister.

I’ve not touched a drop since that day. And nor has my son who, I’m sure you’ll agree, has inherited his mother’s good looks. May the Lord grant that he is not cursed by them, as I was! HL